Amanda Alexander PCC (ICF) Professional coaching for working mothers

I’ve got my own stories too – stories of working so very hard on something and being so damn proud of it, only to show it to my mother and have her instantly point out something that wasn’t perfect in her eyes. Crushed.

But you know what? She was a perfectionist too – and I know for a fact she got that because she was never good enough in her father’s eyes, or in my father’s eyes, for that matter. Her competence/ability/looks/whatever defined her value as a human being. She had to be perfect – even when perfect wasn’t good enough.

Let’s all make a promise to lay off a bit and be kinder to ourselves. I love the cd download.

And I love the Ramones.
.-= Lisa Wood´s last blog ..How to Find Profitable Keywords for your Niche =-.

You also might get a kick out of reading my post on a similar subject: Why Report Cards Represent Everything That is Wrong with the World Today. (I get a little extreme when I talk about Schools, sometimes.)

I’m so glad you all dug this post. And look at you with all these amazing comments… Wow!

@Small Elk – Yeah, it’s wild how much pressure we put on ourselves. And how much weight we carry. Glad you’ve been able to shake it!

@Katie – I totally admire how you’ve stuck with knitting, and how it’s helped with the perfectionist thing. I think of how many times I’ve stopped myself from learning something new because I was afraid I’d fail. And the prom dress story? Wow!

@Sulwyn – So much hard there. And so so so much I get it from me. Because I totally do. And yeah, it absolutely sucks. I’m rooting for you. Lots.

@Joely – Thanks tons.

@Elizabeth – You can borrow Joey anytime. Totally. I’m glad Shiva Nata and yoga are helping.

Shiva Nata pushed every perfectionism button I have and then some. (Duh, right?) But it also gave me permission to do something badly. Which I needed.

You also make a great point about mixed messages. Being told it doesn’t matter. Do your best. But then there are expectations around what that best should look like. Horrid, horrid, horrid… you’re so right.

@Moonslark – I love what you said about seeing the potential. That rocks. And I’m pretty sure all of us that have hit this perfectionism wall would be in a totally different place if we were handed that bit of smart.

And I can hear the hard in what you’re saying. The hiding stuff and being frozen in your tracks. Yes, yes, yes. I know that gig so well. But I love that you’re giving yourself more room to try stuff without having to be perfect. Yay!

@Jamie – I am totally down with playing in the mud and the ripping of the jeans. And yeah, I’ve got the shaved head bit down. (big grin)

@Sarah – I think pretty good hurts a ton too. No one wants to hear what we did was pretty good. Ouch. We want to feel like we’re fabulous, that what we’re doing rocks. Sorry you got the pretty good thing. Oy.

And yeah, that quality control thing was a big thing for me. I had to get real about what was really happening. Which made it easy to take a little tiny baby step away from the perfectionist thing.

@Hayden – Cosmic, kismetic kickassery! That rings my awesome bell. I get the waiting bit. That holding pattern sucks so much. Especially when it’s holding back the awesome. And Patti Smith as a life coach… Rock. On.

@Emma – Reading the line about the 2%… ouch. Big ouch. Isn’t it wild how deep this stuff goes and how hard it registers?

I’m sorry to hear about the anxiety and the perfectionism. It’s so so so hard. Rah and much love right back atcha!

@Amy – That’s a great point. I almost never say Oh, I want this to be perfect. Because then I’d get how irrational that is. I usually dress it up in other words that sound more reasonable.Like good enough. But I know I really mean perfect.

I think sometimes that just makes it even harder, because it’s more subtle. So we chase it longer and harder, and get tied up in it easier. Oof. Not fun at all.

@Julie – I am all about mutual pestering. Bring it on. Recovering perfectionists of the world UNITE!

@Liz – Your. Mantra. Rocks.

It’s so true. And so powerful. And so awesome.

I remember reading a story about how a particular indigenous tribe would always make a scratch or poke a hole in their pottery when they were making it, to make room for the good spirits to enter it.

No hole. No good spirits. No good.

There’s really a lot of awesome happening in those cracks and holes. I’m so glad you brought that into the discussion. Thank you!

@Tami – Right on for making big strides. That is awesome! And totally yay-worthy. (So yay!) And yeah, the creative stuff can be tricky. There’s an intimacy level there that can be scary by itself. And when you toss the perfectionist stuff on top of it all… eek!

@Natalia – Punk love 4ever! And thanks for telling perfectionism to piss off too. That totally made me smile. And make a funny punk face.

@Wendy – Sorrysorrysorry. That’s another ouch situation. And the slow sinking feeling. And the panic. Oy. My stomach turned just thinking about those old familiar flavors of ack. And more piss off, perfectionism! Yay!

@Barbara – Yeah, it can be really hard to let go. Even when we get that we’re all knotted up with perfectionism stuff. And yeah, I do think that hearing this again and again (and again and again) helps.

How can we keep reminder each other of this? Any ideas? Anyone?

@Debbie – I’m glad this landed at the right time for you. I give the credit to Joey. (grin)

@Victoria – Oh no, you had the same kind of report card responses? Ack! And ouch! And I’m sorry. I love the punk rock altar idea. Do you mind if I borrow this idea? Because I totally want to do this.

@Wormy – Ooh, the liking yourself more is a big part of the equation, isn’t it? That’s a brilliant point!

That’s been a big help for me. The more ok I am with who I am – all perfectly imperfect – the easier it is to cut myself a little slack.

At least sometimes. (grin>

@Alexia – Vulcan Mind Meld! Vulcan Mind Meld! I read your post. And loved it. I also loved what Dave wrote about just going with it. Smart stuff.

@Cath – Yay! And yay for being in the recovery part of this whole thing. Woohoo!

@Dave – I’m sorry you relate on the crappy kidlet messages. Isn’t it something how so many of us here have gotten similar messages? And how they’ve all landed in pretty much the same way? Oy.

I also loved what you said about the way perfectionism dresses. Three piece suits? Whoa. That makes me want to crank up the Ramones even louder. (grin)

@Ramona – I’m so glad you can relate to what’s cookin’ here. It’s kind of nice to find a tribe of people who really get it, isn’t it? There’s lots of good schtuff in that connection methinks.

@Patty – I can totally see how the 101% thing would have been seriously ouch at the time. It would have landed that way for me too.

And I’m so so so glad you pressed the submit button. You totally told perfectionism to piss off. Go you!

@Spring – I think it’s awesome that you’ve never gotten snagged in the perfectionist stuff. That’s absolutely fabulous!

@Chris – Yeah, who needs banshees. Unless we’re talkin’ Siouxsie & The Banshee. Then I’m all over it. Otherwise, no thanks. (grin)

@Linnea – Perfectionism is a lot of ouch no matter where it comes from. And feeling like you had to point out a B-? Ouch. And I’m sorry for the ouch. I’m glad we’ve bumped into each other on the interwebs. I figure we can all use as much support as we can get with this stuff.

@Lilly – I love the don’t should on yourself thing. I think I first heard that from Iyanla Vanzant. And I thought it was awesome. I’m glad to hear the sound stuff helps you. It’s helped me a lot with this stuff too. Lots and lots, really.

@Josiane – I hear you on the stuck and all the hard that comes with it.

At one point, I was so stuck with getting this site out there that I was pretty sure it would never happen. I couldn’t imagine getting through that kind of stuck. The sound stuff is what helped get me unknotted and able to inch forward.

All of that to say that you will totally get there. And I will be woohooing when your own unique flavor of gorgeous is unveiled.

@Travis – Right on for rocking the ska! And not getting tripped up with projects.

@Mahala – Disgrace. Ack. That’s such a hard word, isn’t it? So much there.

And ohmygod I so get what you’re saying here. A girl I dated used to get all kinds of cash from her parents for good grades. It blew my mind.

For me, reports cards were a chance to throw up on myself. For her, it was like winning the lottery. Wild stuff.

@Laurie – Aw, thank you. That’s awesome. And so are you.

@Tatty – Yeah, the Ramones rock like no one else, don’t they? I love pretty much all punk. But there are a few bands that just have some extra mojo for me. The Ramones are right up there at the top of that list.

Thank you all for all of your comments and sharing and smartness. Thanks for showing up and hanging out. I appreciate you all so much.

Viva Joey Ramone!

Thank you, Fabeku. I may just have to print this one out and hang it on my wall.
.-= Mahala Mazerov´s last blog ..Love Note For Hard Times =-.

Cheers!