Look at all of your brilliant comments.

Wow!

So. Much. Awesome.

After a crazy busy end-of-the-week, weird tooth ouchiness and bringing the bowls to Jen’s retreat, I am finally here, ready to revel in your ridiculous levels of wow.

@Elizabeth – First, yay for ideas coming in! And yay for not fighting it anymore. The same thing happened to me with the website stuff. When I stopped pushing, the inspiration started popping up. When I pushed? Fuhgedaboutit.

@Grace – The idea of the rafter? Totally perfect. I’ve been thinking about that exact analogy a lot. Fighting the water, getting smashed into rocks, lots of ouch-ey bits.

And you’re so right. We’re totally taught to keep fighting, even when we’re being bashed up against the rocks. If we – and by we I mean me – could just get that we’re causing the bashing thing to happen, we could totally stop.

And I love the cheapo flip flops image!

@Wulfie – That’s awesome! I’m really starting to believe that if we just let go, instead of pushing and fighting, that some pretty amazing stuff can happen. Your example is a perfect illustration of this.

For me, being ok with not fighting really pokes at my ability to trust. To trust myself. To trust life. To trust goodness.

@Leila – What you said about how the body would just naturally discover some magical delicious bits? I felt like that in my bones when I read it. It felt like a huge resounding YES!

And the how-the-fugg-do-I-do-this? question is a totally smart one. I’d love to explore this more in future posts. But the for-now answer is that it’s a mix of inner stuff and outer stuff.

Having clear outer stuff that I can do when I get snagged in the fighting stuff is a huge help.

Drumming. Chanting. Jumping on my rebounder. Playing air drums while blasting a Ramones tune. Going outside to get a chance to scenery.

That kind of stuff totally helps me to manage the inner stuff.

And, of course, hanging out with the inner stuff when it’s less flip-floppy and scream-ey has been totally helpful too.

Looking at it with curiosity, like a wild creature that I’d like to know more about. Which gives me a better sense of where it comes from, how I fall into it, how to turn down the volume on it when it starts screaming, yadda yadda yadda.

We’ll totally be talking way more about this on the blog. Including some more of the how-to stuff. Because I think that’s so important.

@Tami - Ooh right! That nothing-ever-comes-easy stuff is like a creepy twin brother to the you-must-fight stuff. It’s got its own spin to it, but the end result is the same. It teaches us to expect stuff to be hard.

Oof.

And fighting against the flow? I so get that. Because I totally do it too. I’ve got a blog post cookin’ on the why behind that now. So hopefully it’ll be up here soon.

But in the meantime, so much of it (for me) goes back to the whole making space thing that I talked about in the Biggie Size It post. When I don’t have enough space for something, I will fight the flow like crazy.

Not fun at all.

@Dave – I’m with you about the war metaphors. I’m totally over that stuff. It just feels macho and gross and totally not effective. Here’s to flow!

@Lisa – Anything worth having is worth holding space for. That’s totally perfect. When I read that, I feel a warm happy sigh in my chest. There’s room for this good schtuff. The fighting-for-it stuff makes me tense up and geek out. So not sustainable, like you said.

@Katie – Rolling with it sounds right on to me. And you’re right. Cool stuff really does seem to happen when we just find that flow.

@Catherine – Woot! And double woot!

@Bridget - I totally agree with you. I don’t necessarily think of flow as being a passive thing. It can be assertive sometimes. But, even then, it feels different to me than fighting.

It’s like the river. There are slow, float-ey parts and more assertive rapids. Two different types of flow that totally have their place.

Good point!

@Patty – I love what you said about how easy it is to get into fight mode. I felt like that too. Then I realized it was easier for me because that’s what I’ve spent my whole life doing.

So now I’m playing with the possibility that I can retrain myself. I’d love to find the place where my flow reflex is automagically triggered in any situation.

I imagine it will take me some time to flip into flow immediately. But I’m open to that possibility.

For now, playing a singing bowl puts me into the flow with the quickness. It’s probably the fastest way for me to find the flow.

I also do the AHHH exercise a lot. I wear that one out.

@Grace – Great point about kids and the right/wrong stuff. I think that’s where I get tripped up a lot. Worried about doing something wrong and thinking it’s some fatal thing. (Oh,hey, perfectionism. You again?)

You’re totally right about the drumming too. When you miss a beat, it’s so not a big deal. You just pick it up on the next beat, or the beat after that, or whatever. It’s totally fine.

@Bettina – Yay you! I’m so stoked that you’re surrounded by flow after letting go. How awesome is that?

And I’m so glad you shared it here. Because I know it’ll make it a little easier for someone who’s fighting right now to let go just a little and inch their way toward flow.

I’m totally glad to know the download is helping you too. That makes me a thousand kinds of happy. Yay!

@Kai – I’m glad you and Fighting are taking a break. I bet you both will be happier as a result. Seeing other people can be good. Especially when it comes to this struggle stuff. And I thought it was brilliant the way you put that. Yay for experimenting!

@Megan – Ooh, another big YES-in-the-bones moment for me.

What you said about following what takes you there (to your art or writing or other delicious something) feels like a big key to finding the flow.

If we can ask ourselves, Why did I want to do this to begin with? then we can get back to that delicious core. And let go of all the weird, scared stuff that’s behind the urge to fight.

And yep, this stuff can be a real challenge to apply day to day. So instead of putting a ton of pressure on myself to do it (which will just create more fight-ey responses), I really am just going to play with this stuff. Little experiments each day. We’ll see how it shakes out.

@Tara – Gardens! Water! Growing! I love that. I love the image of it. The idea of it. The feeling of it. No pushing. Just letting stuff grow. Rawk!

@Pauline – Bartender, can we have 22 shots of ease please? Ease for everyone!

@Wendy – Ugh. You’re so right about the war-ey stuff in the usual marketing messages. It just feels totally gross to me. The foundation of it. The implementation of it. The side effects of it. Grossgrossgross. I’m glad there are some folks who are teaching this stuff in non-war-ey ways. And I’m glad you’re working on new words for this stuff. And I’d love it if you felt like sharing some sometime. Because I think they’re badly needed.

@Josiane – Isn’t it wild how the fight-ey stuff seems to mostly end up the same in the end? Nothing gets done.

Someone may fight themselves into exhaustion and get nothing done because they’re wiped. And someone else gets nothing done because they’re totally not down with fighting in the first place. Either way, it sucks.

Flowing just seems so much easier, in the long run, to me. And way more effective too.

@David – Reading what you wrote helped me to realize why I love your drawings so much. They are FULL of flow. They’re like delicious visual transmissions of pure flow.

And that flow is contagious. I look at one of your drawings and I just feel better. And I feel better because I’m more in the flow!

No wonder I look at them everyday as a part of my morning routine. Here’s to you continuing to infect the world with the flow bug!

@Jess – I’m so with you. When I give up the fighting thing and get into a good flow, amazing stuff happens. Stuff that couldn’t possibly have happened if I was fighting to make it happen. There is some kind of gorgeous magic to flow. Which is all kinds of awesome.

I lovelovelove what every single one of you have shared here. So much smartness. And I’m totally inspired.

I want to continue to explore this together. So let me cook on it for a second and we’ll find some way to make that happen.

I’m thinking a regularish series about fighting and flow, where we can all check in, talk about where we’re at, talk about what we’re doing to stay in the flow and all that good schtuff.

If you (yes, you) have any other ideas on how we can make that happen here, let me know. I’d totally love to hear whatever you come up with.

I’m just stoked that so many of you are down with experimenting with flow. That is the awesome!

He just looked at me like I was being strange and shrugged his shoulders. But it’s totally true.

I gave up fighting (and trying to “make things happen”) and man, ever since? Stepping into the flow has totally served me 1,000 times more than any FIGHT I ever put up.

<3

So here is a thought on rephrasing:

Anything worth having is worth sharing.
Anything worth sharing is worth nurturing.
Anything worth nurturing needs love and room to grow.
.-= David Cohen´s last blog ..When bullies, doubters, and cynics cloud your path meet them with purposeful perseverance #doodle =-.

Reminds me of how prevalent the violence/war imagery is in marketing: Target market, email campaign, capturing customer info…that has fight and struggle built in, it’s no wonder so many people feel icky (both on the initiating end AND the receiving end of any kind of marketing).

I’ve been trying to consciously use different metaphors/words for marketing, and I’m happily joining your experiment to notice where else I find myself fighting, powering through, gritting my teeth to git’r'done. Because the flow state is so much better, for me and everyone I interact with.

Here’s to flow!
.-= Wendy Cholbi´s last blog ..WordPress Swimming Lessons are back! =-.

BUT, having said that, I find it much more difficult to apply in life, don’t you? I mean,you said you start tensing up for the fight before you even realize it. How do you keep on releasing the tendency to push? That’s the question!

Oh, and how do you tell the difference between “ok, it’s time to act,” and the kind of doing that is a pushing and fighting habit?

Hmmm… I think I’m going to have to think about this for a bit.

Yours,
Megan

p.s. Awesome post!
.-= Megan´s last blog ..Daring Mondays: Inexorable Life =-.